Never lose hope in Allah

Assalamualaikum,

Phewww!! It has been a while since the last post. Too many things happened within this period. Happy, wonderful, sad, hardship and grateful moment I've been through these 2 months.

I'm rushing and struggling to get data for the project, went to Aomori, Yokohama, Chiba and Universal Studio of Japan (USJ) in Osaka during Golden Week holidays by car, played badminton and knowledge sharing session with dearest friends every weekend. Really enjoy these moments. And now it's EURO Cup time! But I have to select certain match only coz I have to do experiments during day time. :( Anyway, no matter what happen, will support Spain to win this EURO Cup!  :)

Seminggu berlalu, bila buat pertama kalinya terasa kecil hati yang teramat sangat (pencemaran tatabahasa, utk menguatkan expressi :p ) dan fed-up apabila dilayan seolah-olah kita tiada hak or perasaan, as if dia je yang boleh berbuat sesukati anytime dia nak. This is not the first time and he keep on doing the same thing over and over again. Don't wanna elaborate more about the details but I wanna say that my 'sabar' reached the limit and really upset about this. 

But before that, after the Golden Week holidays, I found that, I don't feel happy even though I spent my time with my love one. I really wanna change my life into something more meaningful and in peace, even though it gonna affect my relationship. I already started by taking baby steps since a few months back, but still not good enough. Perhaps lacking somewhere, but I never give up, never lose hope in Allah. I plan to tell him what I wanna do, when he come to see me in his next trip. At the meantime, I tried and keep searching for my inner peace and to strengthen my relationship with Him. Believe me, it is not easy... involved a lot of tears when looking back all the things that I've done, played with my emotion. But He never leave me in that pain and tears alone...after every tears and pain, I can feel peace inside me, feel my heart filled with His love. As in my 2nd post, we must love Him more than anything. He will test us to know whether we are really serious and determined to change, to become someone better. You can feel it yourself. So, istiqamah is very important, even small thing, but do it often and consistent.

"Never lose hope. Stay close to Allah and when you mess up, go back to Him. Never, ever stop going back to Him. Repent often. Cry to Allah. And hold on tight—with your life—to His remembrance and to prayer. If you do this, you may get wet, but insha Allah never drown in this ocean of dunya." -Yasmin Mogahed

It's true.... you may get wet, but insyaAllah never drown in this ocean of dunya. Daripada menangis memikirkan apa yang orang lain buat kat kita, lebih baik menangis memikirkan kesilapan yang telah kita lakukan kepada Allah. So, berbalik kepada kisah kecil hati tadi. I donno where I got the strength not to call and not to start messaging him anddd not bother to reply his messages. Wowww!! It's an achievement for me. :)  The most important is, I don't feel sad about it. But I admit that I felt a strange feeling when he did not wish for my special day, maybe he forget, or revenge coz I ignored and treated him not as usual. Well, hundreds of my friends and family members wished me with wonderful wishes!! Thank you very much!!! 

Honestly, I donno what will happen to my relationship. I gave him too much, sacrificed too many things. No matter how much I love him, I must love myself first. There is nothing I can do about it, just pray to Him to give me strength to move on, keep on istiqamah, forgive all my mistakes and sins, and keep on giving peace inside me. Biar  hati disinari dengan cahaya iman yang tak akan pernah kunjung malap. Teruskan berdoa dan berusaha, jangan pernah putus asa dengan rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah. Berserah kepada Allah...sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik buat hambaNya.

Never lose hope in Allah....

Till then, Wassalam.

XOXO.